"You should have just lived in the moment. Why do you care now that it is over?!", my brain snaps to me. Eyeing the polaroid, "Should I had done that?" I wonder whether I regret it.
The polaroid shows me two girls and both of them are wearing black. They look not the most perfect girls in the world nor the most beautiful one but they sure look the happiest girls in the world. I know it not because I am one of them, wearing white jeans and a black crop top, but because their wide and innocent smile tells me so.
Two years have passed since that day and I can not stop myself from comparing our situations now from back then.
Back then we were raw. We did not care what the situation was and what would happen next. We always tried to ruin things around us. We enjoyed doing things irrespective of the results. We knew we were at many points poles apart from each other. She would always try to do things with her utmost sincerity. Questions like what was more important did not bother her. Everything she did reverted her sincerity. She would participate in everything that came across her and I was the one who was the most affected by this habit of her. Well, I had no problem with her participation here and there. Good for her. But things would get problematic for me because she would put my name on the participant list too. I still wonder as I write this, why would anyone be this cruel to their friends?! I (well, people who have dealt with me at school might know everything I am going to write next about myself) never wanted to participate in anything. I really doubt whether I would have entered the high school if it was not compulsory because participation without being forced is not my thing. Entering high school had been difficult for me. It had been to many students like me who did not prefer learning only those subjects which would be needed for their career. I wanted to learn about things which were interesting to me. When I had said this line to people in the 8th grade they were quite impressed. But when I said the same in the 10th grade they stared at me as if I was blabbering non-sense. "Why would you study physics when you know its useless for the civil services?!" they would exclaim. I could not understand their change of mind then.
With me lost in my thoughts, the polaroid slips from my hand and manages to hide under the bed. It is acting as if it wants attention. "Does our friendship needs attention too?" I wonder.
I have heard people saying that friendship can never be altered. But deep down we do realize that it keeps on altering.
Our friendship is not at the best right now. We barely talk these days and when things happen to each other we barely confide to each other. Situations have changed and that has led us to grow apart. Our priorities have changed. We are not those girls anymore who can do things and not think about what happens next. Now we care about the results.
I bend down to get back the polaroid. To my disappointment and lethargy, the polaroid has slipped a bit far away so that I can not reach it with my hands. I suddenly get reminded of how tall she is. Had she been here I would not have to stand up and bring the mop stick to get it out.
As I finally get the polaroid out, I feel relieved. I stare at the polaroid and get the feel of dèjá senti. I feel that a part of the incident that happened just now has already been felt by me. I try to concentrate on why am I feeling it right now.
I connect the incident to my thoughts and try to interpret what the polaroid is trying to tell me.
The polaroid slipped from my hand so did our friendship. The Polaroid hid under the bed and wanted me to seek for it. It hits me then. We parted our ways and without us realizing, our friendship parted too. It got hidden where we could hardly reach. But did I not get the polaroid back anyway? I did. Then why have I not tried to seek my friendship?
A round of questions suddenly surrounds me in a circle. Why do I always just watch the picture and regret over us becoming this way? Why did I never tell her that I miss us being together during those days? Why do we never discuss the way everything changed? Why do we not try to bend and get our friendship, hidden under the bed, back to us?
The polaroid tells me the answer, "You never knew." That's right! I never knew that I could get it back. I never realized that it was hidden and not over.
Friendships do get altered but then is that not good? Friendship may get low at one point but then you can bring it up because Friendships can be altered!
I clip the polaroid back to its place. I grab my phone and dial my father's number. "Shouldn't you call and talk to her about it?"- as usual, my brain interferes. He picks up the phone and I order him to come home early today. "Has anything come up urgently?", he asks. "No, Dad. It had come up long ago but I could not see it.", I answer. Knowing that he wouldn't get it, I just tell him to come home as soon as he can. "What are you doing?", wonders my brain. It is as confused as my dad. "I am going to meet her, you idiot! Have you always been this stupid?"
